I've had many long conversations with other mamas about sleep within the first year, and although it is reassuring that I was not alone and that the struggle is real, there never seems to be any comforting conclusion. What I have come to understand is that the more we can let go of all the “SHOULDS'' that we are bombarded with, the more we can tune into our powerful gift, the voice of our heart and our motherly intuition. Every single child is different and every mother is comfortable with a different level of independence and different levels of upsets, so no matter what the books or sleep consultants say we “should do” or is best, at the end of the day, we need to tune in and have the power to decide what is best for our family.
Lyla first slept through the night from 730-730am without check ins or nursing at 14 months and 3 weeks. We read taking cara babies and other sleep books, and received guidance from a sleep consultant. We gained wisdom and perspective from each and every one, yet were not able to follow through with any set plan they advised. We attempted the gentle sleep learning techniques with limited feedings and check ins every 10 minutes starting at 6 months, then again at 10 months. Lyla was so strong willed and after one 90 minute roller coaster of us trying anything and everything to get her to stay asleep, while I intermittently balled on the balcony with a migraine, I decided it was too much to handle emotionally and the amount of resistance didn't feel healthy. I went back to nursing 1-3 times a night.
The day I found out I was pregnant, so much was shifting naturally. Lyla had more regular bowels, a much bigger appetite and we had a short break from guests in our home. She seemed more ready than ever and “set up for success.” We did the same plan of nursing between 10-11 before I went to bed and then check-in from dad for the rest of the wake ups. She resisted a little but was never distressed crying or super upset- she was learning and in a healthy way! Things FINALLY CLICKED! This is what i thought all the book advisory would be like but it was far more intense when we tried it in earlier months.
By no means do I recommend our “plan” as we spent way to many days than i wish in a sleep deprived fog but what i do feel is important to note is that no sleep plan and no child has a clear rule book. I have friends who also felt it was the most challenging part of parenting and at many times we wish there was a rule book to follow. I also have friends whose children just started sleeping through the night on their own and they never had to sleep train. As time goes by, I am learning to listen more to my heart and trust my intuition and less to the noise and “shoulds'' around me. With raising children, The only constant is change so we are growing together as parents and learning to ride the continuous waves with more grace, less judgment of ourselves and more trust in the flow. I hope you can all give yourself a little more grace and compassion every step of the way too.
XO