For years, I have been working on being compassionate towards myself when I am having undesirable feelings, and there's a reason they call it a “loving kindness practice” I have been noticing a pattern lately- when i am having unwanted feelings of irritability, resentment, sadness or anger my go to is to resist and try to change it. When I become present and aware, it's clear that this unconscious reaction of resistance is what magnifies the feeling even more and creates tension, stress and dis-ease. “What we resist persists,” as Carl Jung wisely stated and I find this so true every time.
We were hanging out with a group and I was feeling irritable. Baby J was doing somersaults in my belly which was causing pelvic pain, my pants were way too tight on my belly especially after eating lots of chips, dip, wings and a non alcoholic beer ( in an unsatisfying attempt to satisfy my strong alcohol cravings this pregnancy!) I wanted this feeling gone! I resisted it, I found other things to be irritable about like wishing my husband could read my mind and help chase Lyla around so i could lay on the couch, even though he just came off a 7 day stretch at the hospital and was I’m sure completely depleted in his own way, I was not in the moment and stuck in my head, unable to have meaningful conversations or be present with those I love.
Instead of resisting the feelings that suck to feel, I am working on shifting to compassion and allowing myself the space to fully feel without judgment or pressure to turn that feeling into a more positive one. It's amazing how much quicker these shitty feelings last when we give them the time and space to be felt and therefore released. Even more than the space to feel, I find the compassion towards ourselves can help minimize the feelings intensity by creating a safe, understanding and loving embrace around the discomfort. This same compassion we would use when we naturally comfort our son and daughter. So simple yet so powerful!
As I practice this with myself, I am also practicing it with my toddler who is 21 months old. As much as I don't like seeing her mad, I know it's healthy and part of being human. I remind her, it's ok to feel mad or It seems you're sad or frustrated and that's ok. I offer love, comfort and coping tools such as a hug, massage or giving her space to feel. Because she can't consciously embrace herself in compassion, I do. I have always practiced this with Lyla as feeling our feelings in a healthy way has always been a core value of mine. She has been such a joyful spirit but will see how things evolve as she approaches age two as I have a feeling some bigger emotions are on the horizon...which means more practice for mama!
XO
“The words I use become my child's inner voice and the way they speak to others. My words are powerful. I practice awareness with them.” @therenegademama